My funny quotes and sayings Weblog

funny quotes and sayings

roxiocalcio — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 11:19:24 +0000

“You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.”
Short and funny quote by, Homer J. Simpson.

“Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel.”
An American adage about antagonizing newspaper editors

“Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.”
Short funny quotes by, Bill Cosbey.

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”
Short funny quotes by, Anonymous.

funny hilarious quotes for myspace headlines

roxiocalcio — Sun, 25 May 2008 16:31:27 +0000

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. cool sayings on Cool Sayings

If I could reach out and hold a star for every time you’ve made me smile, funny girly quotes by Cool Pickup

I didn’t know that Miss America lived here! cool quote about Pickup Lines

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. sweet sayings by Pretty Cool

Idiocy is just a stroke of briliance that normal prople don’t understand.~Kimber cute saying about funny girly quotes

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. sweet quotations about Cute Sayings

Humor of cute funny quotes and sayings

roxiocalcio — Tue, 20 May 2008 15:15:33 +0000

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke — and that the joke is oneself.

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was ‘shut up.’
Joe Namath

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.
Mark Twain

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Peter Ustinov

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
Harry S. Truman

I’m trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.
Jim Loy

I wasn’t really naked. I simply didn’t have any clothes on.
Josephine Baker

funny quotes and sayings

roxiocalcio — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:31:59 +0000

Many people walk in and out of your life but only true friends will leave footprints in you heart…….

People make mistakes all the time, unfortunately you were one of them.

The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 of the people on earth take up 75% of the worlds population!!!

A aniversery just reminds you of what a mistake you made.

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast…

Don’t be Superstitious, just a little stitious…

Is common sense really common?

funny text message sayings for myspace headline

roxiocalcio — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:47:46 +0000

My favorite animal is steak.
~quotes about Food by Fran Lebowitz

Librarian is a service occupation. Gas station attendant of the mind.
~amusing inspirational thoughts sayings by Richard Powers

The multitude of books is making us ignorant.
~saying on Books Reading by Voltaire

Modesty is the lowest of the virtues, and is a confession of the deficiency it indicates. He who undervalues himself is justly overvalued by others.
~amusing inspirational thoughts sayings by William Hazlitt

The two rules of procrastination: 1) Do it today. 2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow.
~amusing thoughts by Author Unknown

Funny Clever Quotes

roxiocalcio — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:50:16 +0000

11.

If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

12.

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
13.

You can’t be late until you show up.
14.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway
15.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
16.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
17.

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
18.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

Funny quotes about Science by Marston Bates

roxiocalcio — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:03:56 +0000

Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
~quotes about Science by Marston Bates

Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose.
~famous inspirational quote by George Will

While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness
~saying on Creativity by Gilda Radner

All lies and jests, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.
~famous inspirational quote by Paul Simon

Eating, loving, singing and digesting are, in truth, the four acts of the comic opera known as life, and they pass like bubbles of a bottle of champagne. Whoever lets them break without having enjoyed them is a complete fool.
~famous by Gioacchino Rossini

Human suffering, while it is asleep, is shapeless. If it is wakened it takes the form of the waker.
~sayings about famous by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

funny short sayings & hilarious quotes

roxiocalcio — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 16:27:11 +0000

As we say in Calculus, “Wanna be tangent to my curves?”

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon. Avoid him. He’s a Commie.

Don’t drink and drive – you might hit a bump and spill it.

I caught my daughter playing with the electrical outlet, and she gave herself quite a shock. I had to ground her.

Death has been proven to be 99% fatal in laboratory rats.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

Famous funny sayings

roxiocalcio — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 12:48:35 +0000

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
~quotes about Knowledge by Maurice Maeterlinck

The greatest miracle of love is the cure of coquetry.
~inspirational retirement quote by François Duc de la Rochefoucauld, Maxims

To welcome a difficulty is to cut its size in half.
~saying on Growth by

How I wish that somewhere there existed an island for those who are wise and of good will.
~inspirational retirement quote by Albert Einstein

Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself.
~retirement by Henry David Thoreau

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
~sayings about retirement by P.J. O’Rourke

Go down deep enough into anything and you will find mathematics.
~quotes about Math by Dean Schlicter

T Shirt Sayings: Funny T Shirt Sayings

roxiocalcio — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 17:57:55 +0000

# Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

# Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!

# I’m not getting smaller I’m backing away from you.

# Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?

# I don’t know what makes you dumb But it really works.

# Rehab Is for Quitters

# My Dog Can Lick Anyone

# Computer programmers don’t byte They nibble a bit.

# BEER It’s not just for breakfast anymore.